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The Montreal Canadiens Are A Lot Like Popcorn

Please indulge me for a moment as I talk about popcorn before relating it to all back to the Montreal Canadiens. Even if you hate this column, you’ll likely appreciate three tasty hacks on making this delicious snack. Here I go:

If you’ve ever made air-popped popcorn, you’ll know that there are three key stages involved in filling up a bowl of this stuff.

The first stage involves a few pops of the corn kernels followed by a rapid one where mass amounts are produced, and then there is a last stage where whatever is left is finally done and then, it’s finally consumed. I don’t consider consumption a stage but if you disagree, I’m happy to call it stage four.

Now, let’s talk hacks.

Hack Number One: To avoid having piping hot kernels from shooting all over your kitchen countertop, first start with a spoonful of them and let them all pop. Now, pour the rest of your kernels into the air popper’s cylinder and cover them with the popcorn that was produced from the initial teaspoon. This popcorn will hold down the popcorn and dramatically reduce the splattering effect.

Hack Number Two: To avoid saturated fats from say butter or margarine, and also reduce your sodium intake, instead pour some healthy canola or sunflower oil overtop of your popcorn with half salt (a blend of sodium and potassium). This will give you both the mouthfeel and taste of butter. Mmmmmm. Butter.

Hack Number Three: Open up a box of Kraft Dinner and use the dried cheese provided along with the oil options mentioned above and you’ll have one freaking good snack option. Dump the macaroni or use it in a pasta salad or something.

HabsWorld’s legal department told me (not really) that you should be 18 or older and wear protective clothing during said product’s manufacture. Also, do not immerse your popcorn air popper in water.

Okay, now that I’ve jumped the shark with this column because we’re still in the dog days of summer/early fall, let’s get back to talking hockey.

The Montreal Canadiens have basically begun stage one of the popcorn-popping process and are nearing stage two.

There is a good chance that this young team has had one beneficial extra year of experience. This means that the Canadiens should improve their goaltending, defence, and offence – and perhaps, just might snag a playoff spot. It’s possible so long as the Canadiens avoid injuries (good luck with that) and some of its competitors in the Eastern Conference get to suffer some of the pain that Montreal seems to exclusively suffer. That’s a big IF. Maybe just maybe, they’ll start winning more one-goal games this season.

Conversely, there is also a really good chance that the Habs will not progress as much as some fans assume or hope for in this upcoming season. The stage one kernels may not yet be ready for popping. If so, the Habs will haul in one more draft of quality prospects, which would eventually ensure a decade of strong contention. Not a bad consultation prize.

Within the next three to four years, if all goes right, stage two will be in peak popping mode. Montreal’s core will fully emerge.

In five to six years, stage three kicks in with a few more “pops” that will make the Montreal Canadiens a major contender. These “pops” will come from savvy trades and/or free agent signings.

After all of this popping, the popcorn will fully be consumed and all that will be left is a pleasant memory of the good old late 20s and early 30s.

What I have just described by way of analogy is the typical lifecycle of contending NHL franchises. Perhaps, though, the finished consumption stage can be delayed by pouring in more kernels of corn. That is the constant introduction of new talent a la the Sam Pollock School of General Managing. This might keep the popcorn popping into the late 30s.

I strongly believe that the managerial tandem of Geoff Gorton and Kent Hughes will continue to find ways to acquire draft picks, make savvy trades with their surplus of assets, and unsentimentally move expensive core players before they reach their “reduce to clear” dates. Likewise, they will continuously bring on board fresh managerial and scouting talent. If they do these progressive things, there is no reason why the fully consumed stage has to take place.

Based on comments made by GM Kent Hughes, this seems to be part of the club’s long-term strategy – certainly concerning on-ice talent. The Habs appear to have a plan of staggering the influx of personnel by bringing in low-cost drafted and emerging young talent over various periods of time.

I hope that this is their goal. It would be the best application of the Canadiens’ motto of:

“From failing hands, we throw the torch.”

And, if so, then the Habs would have created a 2.0 version of it which would be:

“From dwindling popcorn, we throw in more kernels of corn.”

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